Dishes in the Sink

I have struggled with the guilt associated with feeling inadequate as a stay at home mom for almost four years. Some things just make me feel lazy when I know I haven't been, like staying in my pajamas for instance. I figure I'm just cleaning all day anyway but it still makes me feel unaccomplished somehow. Or when there's still dishes in the sink or the garbage is long overdue to be taken out, I tend to beat myself up about not being able to keep up and stay on top of everything and conclude I must be lazy. Self-inflicted or otherwise, meaning by the other adult member of the household, this guilt is toxic and is hereby being released today! I know we all have our lazy moments where we say, "Screw this, I need a break," (then go make a blog when the kids are napping), but for some reason I feel like sometimes stay at home moms get labeled as lazy more often for doing this than those who are on a payroll. Now I don't feel the need to go through and list what I do in a day staying home with my two little boys because I don't feel like I have to prove anything to anyone.

But if anyone wants to know, I realized today why there are sometimes dishes in my sink, I'm playing "Trash Jenga," and running around like a chicken with my head cut off at dinnertime. I came to this beautiful actualization while snuggling with my baby after feeding him. He was talking to me and giggling and I was kissing and tickling and holding him because he is just so adorable! And then I realized that 38 minutes had passed and in that 38 minutes I could have cleaned the whole kitchen, swept and mopped the floor and been starting on dinner. But I didn't, and I realized that I am constantly making that decision automatically, just naturally. When my 3 year old asks me to read him a story, I generally don't tell him, "No I don't have time, I'm busy," or "Sorry, it's late, I'm going to bed." The laundry I was folding can wait, or I can go to bed 10 minutes later, it's not going to kill me. I'd rather spend that time with my boys while they still will share their life with me. If that makes me a lazy stay at home mom then I'll graciously and inarguably accept that label. I am always making Play-Doh cupcakes or having a Batman vs. The Hulk smackdown and there is no shame in that! I should be proud of the way I am and let the guilt over being the perfect mom go. In the end, if my boys' cheeks were kissed, if they're smiling, if they weren't being ignored today, if they know how much their mommy loves them, that matters a whole lot more to me than having no dishes in the sink.

The best mom in the universe (my mommy of course!) had a bit of a hard time keeping up with the housework too with raising five kids. I might embarrass her for saying so, but years later, guess what? Nobody cares!!! What I do remember though is that my mommy was there every day when I got home from school to greet me with a smile and her chipper, "How was your day? Tell me all about it! Want to help me make cinnamon rolls?" She would drop anything and everything if I or my siblings were upset or needed to talk, even if it was in the middle of the night. I feel blessed that I have inherited this trait and even when I'm going insane in what feels like a disaster, I wouldn't trade that for the cleanest house. I'll probably still have to remind myself tomorrow, but I learned today that when life gets overcrowded and busy and I put the laundry or the dishes or cleaning up Carson's latest mess on the back burner instead of my kids' feelings and needs, I should not make myself feel guilty for that. So if this is your reason for having dishes in your sink tonight too, congratulations! You should be proud.